M5T W5 Recap - Runfession Time

 
My last recap concluded with me cutting my long run short due to nausea.  The trend continued for a couple more days last week.

Sunday - Rest day
Still not feeling good, rested

Monday - 4 miles easy (10:35 pace)
Ran 2.81 miles

Tuesday - Intervals - 8-9 miles
I don't even remember why I didn't run on Tuesday.  I just didn't.

Wednesday  - 3 miles easy (10:35 pace)
Ran 5.5 miles.  Still a little nauseated, but started feeling good and had a few strong miles.

Thursday - 4 miles easy (10:35 pace)
I had planned on bike commuting with Les.  We gave our notice to our Hawaiian landlady and will be clearing out of there at the end of October so I knew my bike was coming home this trip.  We were rained out and I was really bummed about that.  Les will still be working for the company that is based in Hawaii, but he's got a project with a company in Connecticut, so it makes more sense for him to be in California.  We will still go back to Hawaii (like in December for the marathon!) but not for more than a couple of weeks at a time at least for now.

Friday - Rest day
Walked 4 miles
Since I had taken Thursday off, I thought I would do my long run on Friday.  I knew I'd have fresh legs.  Obviously that didn't happen.  What happened was the conclusion of two weeks of not wanting to run.

Friday morning I was feeling really negative about running in general.  "Why am I doing this?  Why did I even sign up for another marathon?  I don't think I want to do it this year..."  I am usually not a negative person, so when this happens it seems to be magnified. As I was walking, I was trying to figure out my next steps when it finally dawned on me what was going on...

Hormones.

Yep, it all boiled down to that.  But it's not as easy as it sounds.  In my 20s and 30s, I recognized PMS for what it was, because it was almost always the same - a few days a month I was irritable, then I was fine.  In my 40s, migraines got added to the repertoire, but it was still predictable.  Now I'm in my 50s and for the past couple of years it feels like anything goes.

If PMS is an emotional roller coaster, perimenopause is the entire amusement park.  I feel like I've had it all - from the Tower of Terror to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to the Haunted Mansion!  Some days I'm ultra sensitive, other days I'm tired.  I've had anxiety and insomnia.  Last month I had about 3 weeks of multiple hot flashes every single day.

I hate this feeling of being "off."  I've never suffered from depression and I can usually work my way through hard stuff, but this is just so different.  I don't know from one day to the next how I'm going to feel. One of the really frustrating parts about all this is my legs are fine.  I'm currently injury free so running should be great.  Our life in general is great - we're super busy and traveling gets old at times, but we're healthy and happy.

When I got home from my walk last Friday, I had pretty much worked all this out in my mind.  I talked to Les about it (he's SO patient with all this) and came to this conclusion:  "My decision is not to decide."  How many times have I made a decision I regretted based on emotion?  That rarely ends well.  For now, I'll continue training and hope I start feeling more normal soon.

Saturday - LSD 14 miles  (10:35-10:50 pace)
Rode 15.52 miles - my last Hawaiian bike ride (for now!)

Total planned miles 34
Actual
Running 8.31
Walking 4.00
Cycling 15.52
Total  27.83

I must runfess that this is quite the downer of a post!  I don't usually share this much, but I'm hoping by typing it out it will help me sort through all I'm experiencing.  Hopefully the pictures will make up for the text.

Help a friend out - What do you do when your head's not in the running game?  What about when life throws curve balls?